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OC Interview 1[Microphone switch on]
Reporter: This is interview number one regarding Linda Mallory -
Flynn: Hey! That's not my name.
[Glancing at papers] According to this document -
I don't care about a document, that's not my name.
I'm sorry. Regarding Flynn Loehmann. Shall we start?
Hey man, I'm not the one calling the shots here.
Quite. First off, can I ask you about your childhood? Was it eventful, uneventful? Were you a happy child?
What kind of question is that?
I guess it was happy. Ish. Well, to other people, that aren't me and still aren't because I'm me. Obviously. I mean, there couldn't be another way for it be be, yeah?
Miss Loehmann, we're getting off track here. Please just answer the question.
My dad killed himself, okay? When I was like, seven or eight. It was pretty emotionally scarring or whatever you people call it. You know, after that I was exactly the happiest camper in the woods.
On preparing to never let goWalking slowly down the hall, arms filled with the day's mail, we spoke of morbid things.
She wants to be reduced to ash and I want to know if I can keep her on my mantle.
She looks at me sideways with a curious face and forgets her footsteps.
It's a little bit morbid, she tells me, deciding it's time to continue shuffling along,
but I think the way I'm trying to picture her perfect urn is probably worse.
There's nothing that I can think of that suits her, though,
and I wonder if I even know her.
Do I scatter you somewhere? You can't visit scatter.
(I think good daughters plant guilt in the carpet pile to trip upon.)
But she doesn't trip, instead she ruminates on how appalling it'd be to divide her in fourths:
she laughs as she's divvying up her body parts for our mantles.
I tell her we'll set up a custody schedule, but only between my closest sister and me;
we're the ones that take care of her. But in reality, I'm not planning on sharing.
She tells me she wants to be in the n
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